6/26/13

Dapper Equality: I've Been Married Just As Long As You Have
(Captain Dapper's Thoughts on SCOTUS Prop 8 & DOMA Rulings)


Captain Dapper thinks we should celebrate love.

I interrupt my regularly scheduled programming of helpful tips and style guides to let out a little WOOT WOOT! for the SCOTUS rulings that were announced today. It's no secret that Captain Dapper likes to keep the company of other men. Specifically, one man - The Mister. The Mister and I have been together for 14 years. Let me repeat that: 14 years. That's longer than many celebrity marriages. Hell, that's longer than many marriages period.

In those 14 years we've endured all the usual ups and downs of couples. We've navigated our separate goals and ambitions while trying to nourish the life we're building together. We've compromised on decorating apartments, planned vacations and parties and everyday meals, and delegated cat care and bathroom cleaning. We've shared birthdays and holidays and births and deaths. We've laughed and cried and commiserated and, occasionally, screamed a little bit. We've been a couple of married dudes who can't get married.

In the past 14 years, The Mister and I have committed ourselves to each other many times. The first time was in a little chapel in Vegas, when we were quickly blessed by a voluptuous former showgirl. It wasn't legal in the least bit, but it gave us an excuse to have a party and it was exciting to say out loud that we're in it 'til the end. A few years later, we submitted an online form when Chicago announced that we could register for a civil union. It was very un-romantic and didn't seem to give us any rights but we felt it was important to be counted. Finally, Iowa legalized marriages in 2009. It may not be Illinois, but it starts with an I and that was close enough for us. We made the 3 1/2 hour trek to Iowa City and said "I do" in a magistrate's office, surrounded by law books and, as our witnesses, two people we had just met hours before. This gave us marriage rights in the other states that allow same sex marriage, but not the state in which we live. We also must still file separate taxes and, even though we share a home and all our finances, we don't get many of the benefits of a married couple.

I hope that today's rulings regarding gay marriage in the United States are a step toward national rights for same sex couples. I mean, seriously, I've been married just as long as you have. Don't I deserve the same rights and protections?

(In the video above, Captain Dapper and The Mister take on the roles of Dolly Parton and Porter Wagoner, lip syncing their song "I've Been Married Just as Long as You Have". This is what happens when two dudes in love spend all their time together on a vacation in the middle of the woods. They make poorly lip synced videos while drinking insane amounts of wine. If this is what we have to fear of gay marriage, what have we got to lose?)

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